Doctors, lawyers and others urge us to make living wills and give end-of-life directives for our care. What we also need, it sometimes seems, is direction for what to do about us when we completely lose our minds so that every moment becomes a living hell.
The answer is obvious when all that afflicts us is normal senility associated with old age. They can just park us in a wheelchair or a bed, medicate us and wait for us to expire.
But what if we cause trouble? What if we fight those who would take care of us? What if we run off every chance we get. What if we imagine we are somewhere else, that nobody helps us even though helpers are constantly there?
What if, even though close to 90 years of age, for everybody's safety we have to be either locked up or tied down? What if the torment of being locked up or tied down is apparent in our eyes and audible when we speak. What are the caretakers supposed to do then? Just look away?
Contemplating what might happen if advanced dementia robs us of our minds and condemns us to some kind of hell on Earth, some of us might sign an advanced directive that says: "When that stage is reached, give me a dose to stop my heart, because my life has ended long before."
Such an act of kindness, though, the law does not allow. On the subject of advanced directives, it seems, we have a long way to go. (hh)
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This is actually a thoughtful commentary. My husband and I are just now in the process of writing up wills and advanced directives. For me, the choice to pull the plug in the case of physical body failure (or permanent coma-type situation) is an easy one. But I think it more difficult to put a directive on something like Alzheimers.
ReplyDeleteI have known people who had spouses or parents with Alzheimers and some have done just fine with some help until they died from physical causes. But I know it's not always the case.
We're in our 40s now. We're just biding time for those decisions because Alzheimer's and dementia won't likely be a concern for some time for us. I just hope by that time we understand more and perhaps putting those points into an advance directive will be a bit more informed.
I am a firm believer in "the right to die" and "death with dignity".
ReplyDeleteI am, as well, someone who found it difficult to gather the courage and kindness in letting someone go.
You tend to remember what they were, not what they are, and you want desperately to hold on to that.
hh is right. You look at the editorial and every fiber of your being says he is right.
It is always someone else you look at and have that knowledge, but when it is someone you love, you make exceptions instead of rules.
It is difficult to put those exceptions aside and understand the reality of *he has told me that if it is a choice of *this* vs *that*, please make *this* choice for me.